chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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