dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
