I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
