Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
