there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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