Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
