I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I forget how to act sober
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
