4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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