This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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