I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
