I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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