Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He felt like a one man threesome
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
