sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize