Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ladies don't puke and tell
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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