Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
