Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
