Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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