This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize