I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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