she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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