I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
