Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize