i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
