Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
