We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize