I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
