I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
