He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
