I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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