someone owes me an orgasm
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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