yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
