Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Randomize
