yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
