If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize