i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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