And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
