Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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