Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
