I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pants are for mortals
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