covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
