Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
