I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize