On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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