is your mom at the bar?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
