Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
