my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
