So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
