My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
