we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
