I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
