question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
