Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
