Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to calm my uterus...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
