I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
