last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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