eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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