he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
