He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
