do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
