Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
