So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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