Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
