Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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