i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he thought i was a dude.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize