Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
