I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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