Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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