I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
false alarm, still single
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