pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's shark week go big or go home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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