Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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