I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
