dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my liver is dry heaving
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
