yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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