You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
