Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
