I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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