How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
