my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
