morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
