I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
