please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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