There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
