so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
