I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The air was thick with penises
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
