I want to walk on stilts...naked
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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