in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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