I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
