I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
