I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
