after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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