soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
