So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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