If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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