Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
