ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
