why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
