Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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