where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
