sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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