she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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