my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
