can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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