i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
