so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
