did you get engaged???
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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