My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
