I wish I only lived at night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize