if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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