is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Barsexuality is the new black.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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