Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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