i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i believe in u and ur pee
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
