i need an iv and a liver transplant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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