how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
