i would punch a child for taco bell
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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